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Go, Go Gadget Video
Go, Go Gadget Video is a PSA that served as an extra on the season five DVD. Characters Red Team *Sarge *Simmons *Grif *Donut (Mentioned Only) Blue Team *Caboose *Church *Andy Synopsis In it Sarge, Grif, Simmons, and Caboose discuss present and future technology such as MP4s. Later in the video Church shows up from the future to talk about the technology they have. The video ends when Caboose accidentally leaves Andy the bomb on a laptop with an explosive battery. Transcript Fade in to Grif and Simmons. Grif: Hey everybody. I'm Private Grif from the popular web series Red vs. Blue. Simmons: '''And I'm Private Simmons. You know, these days our world is faced with an ever-growing crisis: what to do with the enormous mountains of totally crappy gadgets we throw away as soon as the better ones come out. '''Grif: Yeah, and about three weeks after you buy the most kick-ass camera or cell phone on the market, you realize that you're already hopelessly out of date. And then you have to upgrade again. Cut to Caboose in a pile of electronics. Caboose: Someone help me - I lost my gas powered internet-enabled blow dryer! I have a lot of moistness that I need to dis-moisten! And also I need to do it while I am web-paging about moistness. Simmons: '''Technology is moving so fast these days that no-one can really keep up with it. And only a very small number of people even want to. '''Grif: Nerds. Simmons: So, instead of rushing out to buy a bunch of new technology you aren't smart enough to use, try following these easy steps to simplify your life. Grif: 'Step one: don't buy things that you can't use. Sure, a combination blender/electric toilet sounds convenient now, what the hell? ''The on-screen list comes up in various symbol languages. '''Simmons: What the hell's wrong with our on-screen text generator? I just upgraded this thing! Grif: 'Well that's just great, now our instructions look like a bunch of bad tattoos. ''Enter Sarge gliding on two robot vacuums. '''Sarge: '''Once again you boneheads have screwed up everything! '''Simmons: '''Sarge, did you just skate in here on a pair of robot vacuums? '''Sarge: Don't be ridiculous, Simmons. These are robot vacuum smart-phones! You see the answer to today's overabundance of technology isn't fewer useless gadgets, it's more useless features in fewer usable gadgets! Simmons: '''What? '''Sarge: '''And of course it plays MP3s. Everything's gotta play MP3s - except your MP3 player! It now plays MP4s, 'cause everybody knows MP3s are a dead technology. They're our generation's betamax. And the next generation's Blu-ray. '''Grif: '''What? Blu-ray just came out. It can't be obsolete already. '''Sarge: Nonsense, numb-nuts. Being released to the public is what makes technology obsolete. The only way to stay ahead of the curve is to invest in products that don't exist, and hopefully never will. Like the iPlunger, or the Nintendonut. Simmons: '''Hhh, or the Simmons two point five upgrade... '''Sarge: Aw, that's just vaporware and you know it. Anyway, everybody knows this year's Blu-ray is gonna be Red-ray. Heh heh. Grif: What about HD-DVD? Sarge: Bad marketing. Not enough repeated letters in the name to be catchy. So it's being replaced with H-H-D-V-D-B-V-Ds. HD DVD is filled in as Sarge is speaking to read HHD DVVDD BVD. Sarge is missing a letter or two. Simmons: But Sarge, wouldn't life just be easier if we didn't have these format wars? Sarge: Of course not, moron. War is always a good thing. Grif: But what about all the confusing multiple standards? Sarge: Grif, you know I'm a firm believer in double standards. Especially if they cause you pain and suffering. Church suddenly appears right next to Sarge. Church: Tada! Simmons: Whohoa, Church! Did you just teleport here from Blue Base? Church: Actually I just came back from the future. I got this new wristwatch, it's got a pedometer and a built-in time machine. Oh and it also plays MP3s. But in the future we don't call 'em MP3s. We call 'em MP48s. Grif: Sweet. Church: Yeah, you can also play MP48s on your HHDVDBVD player. Sarge: Dar dern, they stole my idea. A loud obnoxious buzzing occurs. Simmons: Jesus! Church: '''Ah, what's that noise!? '''Simmons: It's my cell phone. Donut must have borrowed it. He's always overclocking the vibrate setting and calling himself for some reason. Grif: Gross. Simmons: Hello? Caboose, who gave you this number? Caboose: I would just like everyone to know I found my nuclear powered- and SMS messaging- bowling ball. And I'm going to activate it now, if anyone wants to text me while I play. Andy: Hey, I told you already! Those ain't finger-holes! Fade to black. Simmons: Look, I think Andy's resting on one of those laptops with the exploding batteries! Grif: Uh oh. Andy explodes. Video Category:PSAs Category:Episodes